you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize