I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
