you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
