I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
