so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
