420 ftw
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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