we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
