I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
