A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
