ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize