I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
