As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
