im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize