drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
