We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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