are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
