"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
