no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
