Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
