Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
