Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
