The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We had to coat check the pizza.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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