I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
