no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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