some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
