I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
