So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
