Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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