her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
