Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
