Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dicks are not precious.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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