Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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