I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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