It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
