i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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