if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's the barista slut.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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