Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
