I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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