You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize