So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
