You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
