We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
