we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
