We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
