I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
