I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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