woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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