I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
