my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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