hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
