Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
how can u be prego again
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
