Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
