He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
