so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
