Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
