Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
