You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
