News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize