Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize