I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
