Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
