She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have fence marks all over my body
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
