You're earring is so big in my mouth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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