what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
