this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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