Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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