: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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